When you’re in recovery from an eating disorder, one of the hardest parts isn’t just healing your relationship with food — it’s healing your relationship with people. Especially family. Setting boundaries with family members can feel like walking a tightrope: you want to protect your mental health, but you also don’t want to upset the people you love. So why is it so hard?

Below are a few common reasons that creating and following through on boundaries are so tricky.

1. Family Roles Run Deep

We often slip into familiar roles with family — the “peacemaker,” the “responsible one,” the “strong one,” the “one who doesn’t need help.” These roles can be comforting, but they can also trap us. When you’re trying to assert your needs or say “no,” it may feel like you’re betraying that old role, and that can bring up guilt, fear, or shame.

2. History Comes With Emotional Weight

You might be dealing with years (or decades) of patterns — comments about your body, food, or worth. Maybe your parents still talk about diets at dinner or compare your plate to someone else’s. These aren’t just annoying habits — they’re emotional triggers. Setting a boundary means breaking a cycle, and that can feel scary.

3. You’re Afraid of Hurting Them

Many of us were raised to be polite, accommodating, and emotionally available to others — especially family. Saying, “Please don’t comment on my body,” or, “I need to eat in peace without judgment,” may feel confrontational. You might worry they’ll feel rejected, offended, or confused. That fear of conflict can make silence feel safer, even when it costs you your peace.

4. They May Not Understand Your Recovery

Eating disorder recovery can feel invisible to those who haven’t experienced it. A well-meaning relative might say, “You look healthy now!” not realizing how triggering that comment is. Others might resist change — not because they don’t care, but because they don’t get it. Educating them takes energy, and in recovery, your energy is precious.

5. Family Can Be Both Supportive and Harmful

It’s complicated. The same people who love us can also unintentionally hurt us. That duality makes it hard to navigate boundaries — especially if you feel you owe them for their support. But here’s the truth: you can be grateful for your family and ask them to treat you differently. Those two things can coexist.

So… How Do You Start?

• Begin with clarity: Know what you need. Is it fewer food comments? More space? Less comparison? Get clear with yourself before trying to explain it to someone else.

• Practice your words: “I’m working hard on my recovery, and it helps me when…” or “I’d appreciate it if we could avoid talking about diets when we’re together.” Keep it simple and calm.

• Expect some resistance: That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re changing the rules in a game that’s been played the same way for years.

• Get support: A therapist, treatment team, or support group can help you role-play conversations, process guilt, and stay grounded in your recovery.

Boundaries Aren’t Walls — They’re Bridges

You’re not shutting people out when you set a boundary. You’re inviting them to meet you where you are now — not where you used to be. And the ones who care about your healing will rise to meet you.

It’s okay if it takes time. It’s okay if it’s messy. What matters most is that you’re learning to take up space, speak your truth, and protect your peace — one honest conversation at a time.

Reach out today for a complimentary intake phone call, where we can answer any questions you might have.