When someone you care about is struggling with an eating disorder, it can be hard to know what to say. You want to help, but you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. Your words have power. They can express your true intention of support, compassion, and hope. Or, unintentionally, it can possibly reinforce shame, fear, or isolation. That’s why understanding how to talk about eating disorders is an important step in showing up for someone.
Why Language Matters
Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions. They often involve internal struggles with control, self-worth, identity, and emotional pain. Because of this, comments that may seem harmless or even complimentary can be triggering. On the flip side, small, thoughtful words of support can make a lasting impact.
Below are examples of things to say (and avoid) when supporting someone with an eating disorder.
What to Say
Here are some supportive phrases that validate their experience and help create a safe space:
- “I’m here for you, no matter what.” A simple but powerful reminder that they don’t have to be alone in this.
- “You don’t have to go through this alone.” Letting someone know they have support can help lessen the shame or secrecy they may feel.
- “I may not understand exactly what you’re going through, but I care and I’m here to listen.” This acknowledges that their struggle is valid, even if you haven’t experienced it yourself.
- “Is there anything I can do to support you right now?” Offers help in a way that respects their autonomy and avoids assuming what they need.
- “Your worth is not defined by your body, your food choices, or your weight.” A gentle reminder that their value goes far beyond the surface.
What Not to Say
Even well-meaning comments can unintentionally cause harm. Here are some phrases to avoid:
- “You look so healthy now!” While it may sound like a compliment, someone in recovery might interpret “healthy” as “gained weight”; which can be triggering.
- “I wish I had your willpower!” This can reinforce disordered behaviors as admirable or aspirational.
- “But you don’t look like you have an eating disorder.” Eating disorders don’t have a specific look. Comments like this invalidate what the person is going through.
- “Just eat more / less and you’ll be fine.” Oversimplifying a complex mental health condition isn’t helpful and can feel dismissive.
- “At least you’re not as bad as some people.” Comparing struggles diminishes the person’s pain and may discourage them from seeking help.
Remember: you don’t need to have all the right words. Just being there, listening without judgment, and consistently showing up matters more than saying the perfect thing. Your presence can offer safety in a world that often feels unsafe.
If you’re unsure what to say, it’s okay to admit that too:
- “I don’t know exactly what to say, but I want you to know I care.” Sometimes, love sounds like silence and a steady presence. And sometimes, it sounds like, you don’t have to go through this alone.
Supporting someone with an eating disorder can feel overwhelming, but your compassion can make a meaningful difference. Stay curious, stay kind, and when in doubt, lead with empathy. Your words have the power to help someone feel seen, supported, and not so alone.
