The holidays are often painted as a time of togetherness, joy, and overflowing tables. But if you’re living with an eating disorder, or in recovery, this season can feel anything but warm. For many, the holidays amplify loneliness, anxiety, and a deep sense of being misunderstood, especially when family dynamics and food-centered traditions collide.
If this time of year feels heavy for you, you’re not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.
Why the Holidays Can Be So Triggering
Holidays tend to magnify everything: emotions, expectations, and old patterns. For those with eating disorders, several factors can make this season particularly challenging:
- Food as the focal point. Meals, desserts, and comments about eating or bodies can feel unavoidable.
- Family dynamics. Being around relatives may bring up past wounds, criticism, or a feeling of being watched or judged.
- Loss of routine. Travel, schedule changes, and disrupted coping strategies can increase anxiety.
- Pressure to “be okay.” There’s often an unspoken expectation to be grateful, happy, and social- leaving little room for honest emotions.
Even people who deeply love their families can feel overwhelmed or unsafe during holiday gatherings. That doesn’t make you ungrateful, it makes you human.
Feeling Lonely in a Crowded Room
One of the hardest parts of the holidays with an eating disorder is the loneliness that can exist even when surrounded by others. You might feel like:
- No one truly understands what you’re going through
- You have to hide your thoughts or behaviors to keep the peace
- You’re “too much” or “ruining the holiday” if you speak up
This emotional isolation can be just as painful as being physically alone. Eating disorders thrive in silence and secrecy, and the holidays can unintentionally reinforce both.
Anxiety Around Family and Food
Family gatherings often bring heightened awareness around eating. Comments (whether well-intentioned or not) can sting deeply:
- “Are you sure you want seconds?”
- “You look so healthy now!”
- “Just enjoy yourself—it’s the holidays!”
These remarks can trigger shame, guilt, or a sense of losing control. It’s okay if your nervous system goes into overdrive. Your body is responding to perceived threat, not weakness.
You’re Allowed to Have Boundaries
One of the most important reminders during the holidays: you are allowed to protect your mental health. That might look like:
- Limiting time at gatherings
- Declining certain events altogether
- Changing the subject when food or body talk comes up
- Stepping outside, taking breaks, or having an exit plan
Boundaries are not punishments, they are acts of care. You don’t owe anyone access to you at the expense of your wellbeing.
Coping With Holiday Loneliness
If the holidays feel isolating, small acts of connection can make a difference:
- Reach out to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group
- Create your own rituals that feel grounding and safe
- Journal honestly about what this season brings up for you
- Remind yourself that this is a season, not a permanent state
Loneliness doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re craving understanding, safety, and connection.
A Gentle Reminder
If you’re struggling this holiday season, please know this: you are not broken for finding this hard. Eating disorders are complex, and recovery during the holidays is an achievement in itself.
You deserve compassion, patience, and support-not just during the holidays, but always. And if this season feels like too much, it’s okay to take it one moment at a time.
You are not alone, even if it feels that way right now.
